Back to Work…

So today was my first day back at work in almost two weeks… Transitions are rough, lol. Actually, it wasn’t so bad. My energy has been up and it’s technically only a 2-day work week (taking thursday and friday off to spend in the Bay for various birthday celebrations… but that’s Thursdays topic). Anyhoo, being back to work after such a long stretch away has got me meditating about my evolving relationship with my job. Coming into 2005, what had previously been ambivalence about work morphed into a growing sense of dissatisfaction. After all, it’s been five years in this position and I’ve pretty much done all I can do here. I need a challenge to maintain my interest, and with the mastery of my duties, boredom has set in.

I really shouldn’t be complaining. As far as jobs go, I know I got one of the good ones… They actually pay me to boss people around. Can you believe that? As a Cap, I couldn’t be more tailored for management, and my office runs like a well-oiled machine. But being capable and well-respected just isn’t enough anymore.

Most of us spend more than half of our waking hours working for other people. For the most part, we have no choice about this, it’s a byproduct of Capitalism. But there has to be a way to contribute and make a living that doesn’t require spending half your life doing something that doesn’t replenish you emotionally or spiritually. Perhaps that’s not important to everyone, but it is definitely important to me.

This is where the catalyst for the big change kicked in. Plan A didn’t work out. Plan B is slowly sucking the life out of me. There has to be another option, another path. So I asked myself… what do I love to do and what am I good at??? What’s my “thing”??? And once I asked the question, I found the answer came surprisingly easy – it’s always been writing. Since I started my very first journal in the 7th grade… Since I started my “autobiography” LOL in the 10th grade… The poems, the songs, and now finally my book… and blog Writing comes as naturally to me as breathing, why can’t I write for a living?

So I shifted. I stepped onto another path leading into uncharted territory. The feeling that consumes me now is so far from boredom and ambivalence. It’s that perfect mixture of scary and exciting that adrenaline junkies crave, that tempts people to surrender all to fall in love. When you know you are being moved by something greater than yourself, the whole quality of your life changes. I spend hours upon hours writing and editing, but you know what – I don’t think of it as “work”. I choose to spend the time, labor in love, and at the end of the day, whether I’m published or not, successful or not, I go to bed each night satisfied. It’s a beautiful thing ya’ll, to do what you love. I highly recommend it.

PS: Happy Birthday Dad!