My Two Husbands

by Stephanie Casher on June 21, 2011

As many of you know, last year I joined forces with two of my bestest guys to form an author services and publishing company called The Pantheon Collective (TPC). As a trio, we’re pretty tight—James is my husband-to-be and partner in all things, and Omar has always been my KINDRED. So none of us really had to think twice about coming together to start a business. The love is there, the respect is there, and as far as teams go, it just made a whole lot of sense.

Well, we were probably a bit naïve to think it would always be smooth sailing. :) Yes, we are incredibly close, family even. But that closeness introduces dynamics into our relating that probably wouldn’t be as volatile if we didn’t have deep personal relationships on top of our business partnership. After all, with the intimate knowledge we have of each other, we know which buttons to push, and sometimes we say things that we might not say if our relationship was strictly “professional”… Needless to say, this dual friendship/partnership structure has had some interesting moments over the past few months.

During a particularly exasperating spell with my partners a couple of months ago, one of my pseudo-sisters pointed something out that I hadn’t even noticed on a conscious level. After several months of smooth sailing, I started getting incredibly fed up with what I perceived to be the guys tag-teaming me. We were fighting a lot, and I’d completely lost patience with both of them, to the point that I was contemplating bailing on TPC altogether. During an extensive venting session, my sister wondered if the reason I was reacting so strongly to James and Omar “teaming up”, was because it reminded me of growing up as the sole sister to twin brothers, and a long history of feeling outnumbered. As soon as she said it, this major lightbulb went on in my head. Not only had I reproduced my sibling dynamic in this business partnership, but my partners were eerily parallel to my brothers in startling ways (i.e James=Bill and Omar=Eric).

Bringing this into my consciousness really enabled me to look at the problems I was having with James and Omar in a different light. There were so many similarities. As with my brothers, I have deep, bottomless, unconditional love for these men, but that love doesn’t prevent me from being disappointed by them, or wounded by them. In fact, because of the closeness of our relationship, the wounds go deeper than they probably would if it were a stranger and I could just shake it off or delete the person from my life. I also had to do a bit of self-reflection to see how much of my rage was being unfairly transferred, from unresolved issues with my brother(s), to my current partners.

At the end of the day, like my relationship with my brothers, forgiveness always comes in time… So we fight, then kiss, make up, and move on. Before the changes thrust upon us by adulthood (jobs, significant others, distance), my brothers were the most important people in my life. There are days when I really miss them, and the closeness we had when it was just the three of us. I can’t help but find it totally amusing how I subconsciously magnetized two men to me, in their respective images, to fill a void that I wasn’t even aware that I had. I guess I’m destined to be flanked by tall, dark, and handsome men for the rest of my life. Not that I’m complaining–I suppose there’s worse things to be. ;)

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