So I was cruising around myspace one day and found the link to the coolest site. It’s basically a one-stop location for a variety of news articles of interest to People of Color. I’m not big on the news myself, as I find the mainstream news media to be hopelessly biased and/or disturbingly sensationalist, so it was great to find this site, which sorts the days headlines into categories that I actually find useful.

www.crayonpeople.com

Their mission statement states:
“We created Crayon People to act as a place for People of Color to get easy access to news ranging from political articles to current pop culture.”

Sounds good to me. Free your mind and the rest will follow…

Okay, now I’m really back to work. In honor of my birthday last week, I not only took several days off, but gave myself permission to be totally lazy and irresponsible for the duration of my extended birthday weekend. It was lovely. I didn’t think about stuff I needed to do at the office, I didn’t think about the manuscript, I just laid around, without guilt. Moved real slow. But it is a new week now, and there is much to do, so I must dive back in.

Breaking into this business is a lot like fishing. You bait the hook, and cast it out into the sea, hoping someone will find the bait tasty and bite. For an unagented author such as myself, the bait comes in the form of a query letter, synopsis, and first three chapters of my manuscript. Then you sit back and wait, usually 2-3 months, for a publisher to bite. If they’re interested, they will request to see your full manuscript, and assuming they like what they see, they will offer you a book deal. It sounds simple enough, but like fishing, there is a lot of sitting around while you’re waiting for those fish to bite.

I’m proud to report that shortly before New Years, I got my first nibble 🙂 One of the publishers I submitted to has requested my manuscript, so once I ship this thing off, I will have entered the next phase of this lengthy process. But it seems now the hold-up is on my end. It’s tough being a perfectionist. This thing has been read and revised more times than I can count, yet I still feel like I need to read it through *one more time* before I ship it. But my goal is to have the manuscript revised and in the mail by Thursday. Is that a realistic goal? We shall see 🙂

Hey ya’ll,
Nothing terribly deep today, just a birthday recap for those who are curious… I had a great 30th birthday… The phone literally rang off the hook with loved ones sending their love. I got to hear the voices of some folks I have missed dearly (Corey, Heff, Big Chris, Jonny Blash – xoxoxo – u made my day!). Lots of emails and other on-line celebrating. Not one, but TWO flower deliveries (thanks Meg and Mom!!!!) A wonderful picnic down on West Cliff with Sponge-E, enjoying the sunshine and picture perfect 71 degree(!) weather. An hour soaking my body in a tub at the spa. A little shopping to pick up some thangs for the Birthday woman 🙂 A lovely drive up Highway One in the afternoon where I got to view the most KILLER sunset. Drinks and dinner at the Cheesecake Factory in SF. And rounding out the night snuggled up with the man I love… A great day, a great night. You know, it’s days like this, major life milestones and such, when you really get an idea of how much you are loved. It feels good to be loved. As Brooks and Dunn would say – “That’s What It’s All About…”

Thank you to everyone who thought of me and reached out to send me love on my most special of days. I have the best group of friends and fambamily in the world!!!

Today marks the start of my 30th year. A lot of people approach their 30th birthdays with a lot of stress and anxiety, but I’m surprisingly fine with it. Excited even. Cause to be honest, I’m not sad to see my twenties go. I won’t miss being broke. I won’t miss the bad relationships. I won’t miss the uncertainty about my future and my self. The bad decisions. Don’t get me wrong, every experience I had taught me a valuable lesson, and for that I am grateful. But I’m ready to move on to the place where I’m not stumbling so much, and enjoying the life that I’ve built. And building the life that I want.

30 is just a number, but I do believe the soul-searching that goes on between the ages of 28-31, which in astrological circles is associated with the Saturn Return (more on this another time), is unlike the introspection we engage in at other times in our lives. If our twenties are supposed to be about “finding ourselves”, then by our thirties we should be found and pursuing whatever it is we’ve decided we want to do with the rest of our lives. Or something. I don’t really buy into the linear societal prescription of “get married, settle down, buy a house, have kids” as the magic formula for happiness. It works for some people, but its not for everyone. I mean, I want those things, but LATER, lol. I still have so much more to do, see and experience that requires a freedom and mobility that I wouldn’t have if I had a child. But that is another blog 🙂 This blog is about embracing my next thirty years, and marveling at how far I’ve come. I am convinced my best years are ahead of me, and cannot wait to see what waits for me in 2006 and beyond. So as my man Tim would sing…

I think I’ll take a moment, to celebrate my age
The ending of an era, and the turning of a page
Now it’s time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years

My next thirty years will be the best years of my life
Raise a little family and hang out with my wife (or life partner 🙂
Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear
Make up for lost time here
In my next thirty years…

~Tim McGraw, “My Next Thirty Years”, A Place in the Sun
(Get used to it, I am likely to be quoting many a country tune, lol)

So today was my first day back at work in almost two weeks… Transitions are rough, lol. Actually, it wasn’t so bad. My energy has been up and it’s technically only a 2-day work week (taking thursday and friday off to spend in the Bay for various birthday celebrations… but that’s Thursdays topic). Anyhoo, being back to work after such a long stretch away has got me meditating about my evolving relationship with my job. Coming into 2005, what had previously been ambivalence about work morphed into a growing sense of dissatisfaction. After all, it’s been five years in this position and I’ve pretty much done all I can do here. I need a challenge to maintain my interest, and with the mastery of my duties, boredom has set in.

I really shouldn’t be complaining. As far as jobs go, I know I got one of the good ones… They actually pay me to boss people around. Can you believe that? As a Cap, I couldn’t be more tailored for management, and my office runs like a well-oiled machine. But being capable and well-respected just isn’t enough anymore.

Most of us spend more than half of our waking hours working for other people. For the most part, we have no choice about this, it’s a byproduct of Capitalism. But there has to be a way to contribute and make a living that doesn’t require spending half your life doing something that doesn’t replenish you emotionally or spiritually. Perhaps that’s not important to everyone, but it is definitely important to me.

This is where the catalyst for the big change kicked in. Plan A didn’t work out. Plan B is slowly sucking the life out of me. There has to be another option, another path. So I asked myself… what do I love to do and what am I good at??? What’s my “thing”??? And once I asked the question, I found the answer came surprisingly easy – it’s always been writing. Since I started my very first journal in the 7th grade… Since I started my “autobiography” LOL in the 10th grade… The poems, the songs, and now finally my book… and blog 🙂 Writing comes as naturally to me as breathing, why can’t I write for a living?

So I shifted. I stepped onto another path leading into uncharted territory. The feeling that consumes me now is so far from boredom and ambivalence. It’s that perfect mixture of scary and exciting that adrenaline junkies crave, that tempts people to surrender all to fall in love. When you know you are being moved by something greater than yourself, the whole quality of your life changes. I spend hours upon hours writing and editing, but you know what – I don’t think of it as “work”. I choose to spend the time, labor in love, and at the end of the day, whether I’m published or not, successful or not, I go to bed each night satisfied. It’s a beautiful thing ya’ll, to do what you love. I highly recommend it.

PS: Happy Birthday Dad! 🙂

Today is the first day of the rest of my life… I woke up with that feeling resonating so strongly within me this morning. Right now, just days away from my 30th birthday, I feel very much like a woman on the verge of something… new. Those of you who know me know that I crave stability… I’m a Capricorn, an earth sign, and we need to have our roots firmly anchored in the ground in order to grow… I guess what I’ve realized lately is that my roots have been anchored firmly, but in a pot that is a few sizes too small… I’ve been maintaining, throwing off pretty blooms and all, but my growth has been constrained by the confines of the pot. I need to get out of the pot, lol.

In the spirit of branching out into the exciting unknown, 2006 is dedicated to the aggressive pursuit of my dreams… Which I suppose is what brings us all here. Everyone has a calling, a unique gift, a special skill. I know now that my calling is to write. It’s not just what I do, it’s who I am… And ever since I embraced this core truth about myself, things in my world have started changing… Are you familiar with the concept of synchronicity? It’s a belief that coincidences are not merely coincidences, but actually signs that you are on the right path… Well since I hopped on the path leading towards the Bestsellers List :-), life finally feels like it has purpose again. I have my sights on a future that inspires me, that I feel passionate about. It is the road less travelled for sure, but the Universe has my back… I seem to get just the right information and encouragement, right when I need it, and I know eventually I’m gonna get where I’m going. My faith has been renewed.

I finished my first book in 2005, and have committed the bulk of my time and resources to pursuing a writing career. We’re talking full tilt, baby. And now, like many others trying to get their words out to the masses, I have started a blog, lol. I’m not sure what I’m trying to accomplish here — like my books and my career, this blog a work in progress… I’m envisioning something part diary, part promotion, part social commentary. We’ll see how it goes — like everything else, I’m making this up as I go along…

Welcome to my World.