Wooo Hooo! I spent the weekend attending the SVARWA’s Prepare to Pitch! Conference in San Jose. Along with three tracks of seminars on everything from Plot to Marketing, each attendee was also guaranteed an 8 minute appointment with an editor or agent (we listed our top 3 preferences when we registered) and an opportunity to participate in “Speed-dating” where basically all the editors/agents are situated at tables around the room and you have 3 minutes to pitch before you have to yield the seat to the person behind you. Face time with agents and especially editors is priceless for newbies — in an industry where most people won’t look at anything “unsolicited”, this is our chance to become solicited. A very, very big deal.

There’s me with my pitch cards in my very best ‘business casual’ gear, getting ready to go down and wow some editors, lol. Since I recently got that MS request, I went into this event with my confidence pretty high. There wasn’t that anxious feeling of “my career is riding on this pitch!” But I was still super-nervous. I could NOT sleep the night before. I tossed and turned, having nightmares and waking up every hour or so to see if it was morning yet. Was up bright and early for Saturdays 8:30am start, and it was pretty much nonstop all day. Longest. Day. Ever. Brain fry doesn’t even begin to describe my mind come 9pm that night. 12 straight hours of schmooze, and if you know me, you know that’s a nearly lethal amount of socializing, lol.

The food was amazing. Just had to make sure I mentioned that because they fed us three full meals, and usually meals prepared at conferences lack in quality due to the quantity of people that need to be fed. But we had Chicken Caesar wraps and roast beef sandwiches on sourdough bread (among other things) at lunch, and tri-tip, roasted chicken AND salmon at dinner. Way better than I eat at home ya’ll. There was also assigned seating, so every meal you were at a different table, and every table had an editor, agent or keynote seated there. Super-cool. I had lunch with Anna Genoese, an editor at Tor, and got to ask her all the questions I wanted to ask during lunch. (PS: I want her job — can’t you just see me as an acquisitions editor? I can!)

My most important meeting of the day ended up being the most random, unexpected thing ever. During the Editor’s “What’s Hot!” panel on Friday night, I fell in love with one of the editors, Hilary Sares. Just my kind of woman – you know, the smart, straight-up, take no prisoners type. For example, she had the most quotable line of the evening:

Don’t bring me your manuscript and tell me it’s your Baby… Cause I’m gonna pluck that baby’s eyelashes out…

Freakin’ LOVE Her.

She was easily the most sought-after person at the conference, and of course all her appts. were full. But after my 8-min appt., I noticed she was sitting downstairs in a corner, and appeared to be meeting with folks informally. No time limits, just chatting with anyone who had the patience to wait around for the chair beside her to vacate. I jumped on the opportunity, as I would LOVE for her to be my editor. But the MS request I got just this last week was from another editor at her publishing house. Hmmmm… So I waited for my turn, sat down and pitched my dilemma to her. She was awesome. AWESOME. She wanted to hear all about my book, gave me lots of insight about what/when I could expect to hear back from this editor, and answered a lot of nagging questions I had about things like multiple submission etiquette and such. And then she closes with this:

“Tell you what, I want you to send me your manuscript cause I want to read it. Now I can’t undercut another one of my editors, so if I like it, I can’t buy it. But what I can do is walk it down to _____’s office and tell her ‘You really need to buy this book.'”

Can you F-in believe that? What kind of an editor offers to read something they can’t even profit off directly just because they want to see you succeed? An awesome one, that’s who!!! If she likes my book, she could be hugely instrumental in moving me from the bottom of the pile to the top of the pile. Cause it’s all about who you know, right? Needless to say, that meeting was the HIGHLIGHT of my whole weekend, and made the whole trip worth it. I was flying so high after that…

I ended up getting requests for not one but TWO full manuscripts at the conference, and one partial. Not bad for a day’s work, eh? I am really starting to feel like a writer now, and it is a TRIP! Pitching books, collecting business cards, meeting industry professionals — I’m so excited for the Black Writer’s Conference in Dallas this summer! This is absolutely what I’m supposed to be doing…

I can’t end this recap without giving a shout-out to my conference buddy Liz Devitt. Liz, also from Santa Cruz and a fellow Capricorn, also ROCKS. She successfully pitched a historical set in Santa Cruz in 1908, a young adult fiction book, and a proposal for a nutrition book for teens. We hooked up and she became my drinking buddy, dinner date, and pitch processing partner. So much fun! After we both successfully pitched to Hilary, we celebrated by having a drink, wandered upstairs fashionably late for dinner, managed to end up right at the front of the long-ass line for the dinner buffet (Oh the timing – LOL!), ended up too drunk for speed-dating, yet psyched each other up to pitch anyway (LOL!) and then celebrated in the bar afterwards after we both kicked ass, yet again. She was also a highlight of my weekend 🙂 It’s true, things really are more fun when you have someone to share it with…

When I finally got back to Santa Cruz, well after midnight, I was so exhausted I could barely make it up the stairs… Longest. Day. Ever. But I’m well rested now and ready to tackle all the tasks in front of me. I’ve got manuscripts to send out and a prequel to finish and a career to launch. It’s so exciting! Go Me!!!

So I’m still reeling from the last five minutes of this week’s LOST. Five minutes that unnerved me and disturbed me to the point that I had difficulty sleeping that night. Shocking as it was, the scene itself wasn’t terribly graphic. But the imprint that violence and violent imagery leaves on my psyche these days has got me meditating seriously about my hypersensitivity to violence in relationship to the general desensitization to violence in society at large.

I admit it, I don’t watch the news. Not because I don’t care to be informed about what’s going on in my world/community, but because of the sensationalist tone of most network news. They always focus on the most horrible aspects of society, as if crime is the only thing newsworthy. I prefer to find my news online, via links to articles, where I have a measure of control over the information I choose to consume. I can skip over the tales of double homicides or murder-suicides, the endless stream of rapes and robberies… I know it exists — I don’t need a play by play of the horror with graphic pictures thrown in for dramatic effect…

Some would accuse me of “hiding” from the “real” world with my method of selective consumption. That I’m succumbing to a false sense of security, that I don’t CARE about what’s going on in the world. But see, that’s my problem — I care too much! When I hear about something utterly horrible that has happened in the world, I literally feel sick to my stomach sometimes. I can’t watch. I think it’s my Pisces moon that makes me a natural empath, but I feel everything. And when I hear about another 30 soldiers killed in Iraq, or a senseless killing in an inner city, etc., I feel it. It affects and depresses me. There is nothing I personally can do to stop the horror from happening, but I can stop it from coming out of my television by changing the channel.

So while my hypersensitivity may be a problem, I think the overall desensitization of folks to violence and horror is an even bigger problem. Thanks to horror films, big-budget action flicks, and the proliferation of video games (where you too can be a killer!), our generation appears to be disturbingly comfortable with the amount of violence we encounter in our daily lives. Crime dramas such as CSI and Law & Order garner such high ratings that they spawn numerous spin-offs. The masses want more murder death kill and networks are happy to serve it up. We can see someone’s head get blown off on television and think nothing of it — hell the network doesn’t even bother censoring it half the time anymore! We can watch the death toll rise in Iraq and hear the horror stories of combat and we do nothing. What is wrong with this picture? What does it take to get our attention? Planes crashing into buildings and hurricanes/tsunamis wiping out entire cities, that’s what. Disaster of epic proportions is the only thing that wakes us up nowadays, and what does that say about the state of our world?

I’m proud to say that violence no longer “entertains” me. Not even in the context of LOST. There is nothing remotely cool about human suffering and killing is not okay – when are people going to wake up and see that? Or are we doomed wander along in apathy and self-absorbed oblivion until the next apocalyptic tragedy or natural disaster?

Yes people, I see the future… And I am very, very afraid…

Okay, my hands are shaking so bad right now. Wait, Stephanie, begin at the beginning. Okay, deep breath. Today was the first real “Steph” day I’ve had in a while. The spring cleaning is done, the tenant is evicted, the sun was out, and I had nothing to do. What a lovely change. After a morning yoga class and lunch, I parked it in the backyard soaking up the sun and trying to finish my latest read SLOW MOTION (review to come). A nice lazy day lounging in the sunshine, the perfect complement to the lazy Saturday I had lounging around with my mando… Eventually I decided to wander down to the mailbox to check the mail, cause it occurred to me I hadn’t check it in a while. (All I ever seem to get is bills, lol, mail depresses me.)

You know, there is so much waiting in this business that I almost forgot I still had live queries out there. It’s just been so long since I sent them, lol. But in the mailbox today I actually found an envelope bearing the return address of one of the “Big Dog” publishers I submitted a query to. Deep breath. I was almost afraid to open it. What did the envelope hold, rejection or another sign that I am indeed on the right path…

I guess I must be on the right path, cause this highly coveted publisher would like to see my full manuscript 🙂

I can’t even describe the flood of emotions I’m feeling right now… It’s something like validation, wrapped in a layer of anxiety, dropped in a pool of excitement. Or something. Beginning writers hear tons of horror stories from other writers, describing how difficult it is for unpubs to get out of the dreaded “slush pile”… Yet here I am, fresh out the gate, with two manuscript requests in less than a year of querying. Either I’m incredibly lucky, or I wrote a damn good book. Let’s hope it’s the latter 😉 Oprah, here I come…

In the past two weeks I’ve attended two academic events — the 4th annual Hastings Race and Poverty Law Journal Symposium “Reviving the Dream: Confronting Racism in the 21st Century” (my brother Eric is the Editor-in-Chief of the Journal :-), and an event at UCSC co-sponsored by my Department, “The War on Terror: A Credible Threat. Every time I go to one of these things, I always get all fired up the way I used to in college, you know, outraged by the injustice, convinced that something needs to be done, calling for revolution… There is so much to be upset about folks… But then I get home and after a few hours, I crash and am just Depressed. Cause you gotta admit, the state of our world, and the direction we’re heading, is downright depressing.

The Hastings Symposium featured several panels and multiple keynotes. I attended the panels “The Racial Implications of the Katrina Disaster” and “Race, Religion, and the Law Post-9/11.” Much like the conference we hosted, the Katrina panel spent a lot of time talking about what’s not being done in this devastated region, and the inability of our government to rebuild and repair its own communities, while it sinks billions of dollars into a war halfway across the world. It’s pitiful. I really don’t know how our leaders can sleep at night.

At the “War on Terror” event, a day-long teach-in, the day was jam-packed with interesting and high profile speakers. The keynote was given by former U.S. Ambassador Joseph Wilson, the first person to break the story that there were indeed, NO weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. This is a man who used to be a high-ranking government official, the husband of a former covert CIA agent. A man who the government has systematically tried to destroy and discredit because he had the nerve to speak the TRUTH to the PUBLIC. Google him. It is a travesty what the Bush administration has tried to do to this man.

He spoke quite frankly about the lie he uncovered — that there were no nuclear weapons in Iraq, the Bush administration knew it, and intentionally misled the American people and Congress so they could go to war. War is supposed to be a last resort, when all other avenues have been exhausted. 2400 American soldiers have died in Iraq, many of them boys who had not yet hit the prime of their lives, and for what? As one who has loved a man while he was stationed in Iraq, and helped (and is still helping) him transition through re-entry, I’ve seen firsthand what war does to people at the most basic, soul level. It burns me up inside that innocent people are dying to further someone’s political agenda…

Congressman Sam Farr also spoke at the teach-in, and informed the audience that the amount of money we are spending annually in Iraq is roughly equivalent to the yearly budget of the entire state of California! A state that is home to roughly 36 billion people when there are only 26 billion people in Iraq. There is something very very wrong here and it has to stop.

Sam Farr also touched on another point, something I struggle with myself — complacency, apathy, and the need for the masses to educate themselves and mobilize politically. Hopelessness, when it manifests as depression, is paralyzing. Do we have a Malcolm X or Martin Luther King Jr. in our generation to inspire and ignite the masses? Did the revolutionary spirit and quest for peace and love die with the 60’s? Or are we all so immersed in our individual cyberworlds that we’re numb to the horrors that are quickly becoming our reality? What happened to compassion and community? Aargh, it’s so symptomatic of the world we live in — so many questions and not enough answers…

I want to fight the good fight, I really do, but I just keep seeing evil win over and over and over again. I don’t know if I should be depressed or very very afraid. *Sigh* I really need to go watch RENT again – I swear to God some days that’s the only thing that makes it better…

Okay, well not really, but where did the term “baby shower” come from anyway? lol Regardless of the origins, it seems to be accurate enough — there are definitely babies everywhere! But as long as they’re not mine, it’s all good…

Bill and Jes’s baby shower was this weekend, and we all gathered (minus mom who is jetsetting around Turkey) in San Ramon to celebrate the June arrival of Devin Casher. Devin will be the first of the next generation for our branch of the family tree, and we’re all very excited to meet him.
Isn’t he cute??? Brought to you via the technologically advanced 3-D ultrasound machine…

The proud parents-to-be… We had a Texas Hold’em Tournament to raise funds for Devin’s college education… Judging from the gear he got, looks like the tyke might be headed for a UC…

Isabel Santillan also made an appearance, and Dena proved to us all that you can be a new mom and still remain smokin’ hot AND kick ass in poker!!! (I would like to point out that Dena and I outlasted half the men in the tournament, proving yet again that Girls Rock!!!)

Eric was trying to give Bill parenting tips… Actually, he was probably trying to convince Bill that Devin should go to CAL…

Bill looks like he’s got it all under control though… He’s a natural! *sniffle* He’s gonna be such a good dad…

And of course, no party is complete without a guest appearance from DC and Tone 😉

All and all, a wonderful day with the FamBam…

My first two novels revolve around Samantha Merrick and her two main love interests — Jake Clayton and Tony Carteris. While SOUL MATES focuses on Jake, WHEN LOVE ISN’T ENOUGH is Tony’s story, set in our college years. The Tony character is a blend of my first two soulmates, and WHEN LOVE is the fictionalized version of our stories… Art definitely imitates life in my case, and life sometimes, strangely enough, finds a way to imitate art.

I blame my split from Soulmate #2 (whose name is actually Tony), on life imitating art. I had already started writing SOUL MATES when Tony and I were dating. At the time, I wrote in a story arc for dramatic effect that involved Tony getting another woman pregnant… Seemed like a great idea plotwise, until it actually happened (we were ‘on a break’ at the time). One of the many things I wrote in my book that ended up happening to me in real life. They really aren’t playing around when they say “Careful what you wish for…”

Tony still lives in town, and I see him around occasionally, but obviously we are no longer in contact. We’re friendly (I have this thing where I remain close with all my exes), but I respect his family enough to stay away. The last time I saw him, he actually informed me that baby #2 was on the way. Ironic how the ultimate commitment-phobe ended up trapped in his own worse nightmare. Life is funny that way.

I was driving home from the beach today, and spotted a cute guy on a bike towing one of those kiddie cars up the road. I slowed as I passed to get a better look, and sure enough ended up making eye contact with the real-life Tony himself… After two years… With his eldest daughter, now four, in tow. Craziness.

I pulled over, he stopped. We chatted for awhile. It only took a few seconds for me to realize that I’m still very much in love with him. (That’s the irritating thing about soulmates, you can never fully shake them). His daughter is beautiful, and it was quite clear that he loves her very much and is managing to be there for her the way his father never was for him. Unfortunately, that only made me love him more. But it’s different now. Maybe because I know we can never go back. Maybe because I’ve since met a man that I love even more. Maybe because I’m older and wiser and a true believer of the phrase “everything happens for a reason.” This time, when it was time for me to drive away, I just left. It wasn’t hard, it didn’t hurt, I didn’t agonize about turning around. Heck, I don’t think I even looked in my rear-view mirror once. It was good to see that he’s well, even better that he got to see how well I’m doing, lol, but the attachment isn’t there. It was a liberating feeling to not be at love’s mercy anymore, to be able to remember the good and forgive the bad… and walk away…

There are two days I take off every year — my birthday and 4/20. Thankfully the sun is shining, and so far it has been a beautiful day… Got flirted up by the teller at the bank (he wasn’t half bad either), took myself out to breakfast at Linda’s, engaged in a little retail therapy and got some cute summer sandals (on sale!), and now off to a massage. Lovely day… Peace and praise to all things green ya’ll…

One of the most-read books in my home is Feng Shui Your Life by Jayme Barrett. I pull it out and read it every Spring because it re-orients me towards conscious living while powering me through my annual Spring Cleaning ritual. Granted, I did things a little backwards this time, lol. I painted first, then clutter-cleaned, and now I’m sitting down and re-reading the book. Total inversion. But strangely enough, it’s still an important read, and the book is inspiring me to purge my life even more than I already have. There is still work to do.

Jayme Barrett writes:
In the same way that blood and oxygen must flow freely and purposefully in your body, so must energy and life force circulate throughout your daily environments. The rooms and spaces you inhabit influence your well being and opportunities in life. Feng Shui provides practical methods to strengthen the positive energy in your surroundings and to create beauty. (introduction)

She then outlines some general Feng Shui principles:
~ Clearing clutter is a logical step to accomplish your goals. Keeping your home and workplace clean and organized promotes happiness, efficiency, and peace of mind.
~ Finding room for new things in your life requires you to get rid of things you don’t use, want, or need.
~ Adding sunlight to an environment lifts your spirit and expands your vision; darkness inhibits life force and can be depressing.
~ Bringing nature indoors adds harmony and healing to the surroundings.
~ Using different colors can influence your mood.
~ Working in the bedroom is not a good idea. The bedroom is the place for rest and connection. (as I sit in bed with my laptop and type this, lol, whoops)
~ Displaying pictures of you and your loved ones looking happy, healthy, and confident will bring a smile to your face.
(p. 19)

One of the things I like most about this book is it emphasizes the need for balance. She doesn’t just talk about the changes you should make in your environment, but the changes you simultaneously need to make within yourself to maximize the effects. Personal engagement is definitely a part of this process.

Becoming clear about your dreams and goals for health, love, happiness, and success and using symbols for them within your environment is essential. When your intention for your life surrounds you, it tends to materialize in a better and faster way. (p. 22)

The law of manifestation tells us that a thought you hold repeatedly with conviction tends to manifest. The stronger your intention, the faster your goals will materialize. If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll have a hard time getting there. Your intention is your compass. (p. 57)

I started “practicing” feng shui a few years ago, and I definitely find it useful in my life. I try very hard to stay away from things that are “bad feng shui,” but being a reformed pack rat, my biggest challenge has always been the number one impediment to good feng shui — clutter.

Clutter creates stagnant energy that keeps you trapped in every way imaginable… If you cannot move through your home without being obstructed by clutter, you can be certain that subtle energy will not be able to flow either. When energy stops flowing, life stops progressing. (p. 65)

My new tenant made the comment that we have a tendency to fill up our space. I can see that, and I definitely fill every inch of mine. I can become very attached to things. But they’re only “things,” and the book is reminding me of that. I know people who survive with very little, some with only what they can carry on their backs. I want to embrace this kind of minimalism – how lovely that must be… I am hereby declaring war on all forms of clutter in my life.

I challenge each and every one of you to do the same.

I highly recommend picking up Jayme Barrett’s book – it just might change your life.

Well there is a lot of change happening on the homestead… The living room remodel is now complete. A top to bottom clutter-clearing mission has been accomplished… And today a new tenant moves in for a short stint. The sun continues to play hide and seek (but wasn’t last Thursday a beautiful day!), but life insists on moving me forward even though the season has yet to change. Spring — I’m getting started without ya.

All the walls downstairs have been painted yellow, and the living area has been redecorated and opened up. I know at least one of you has been waiting on the edge of their seat to peep the finished product, so without further ado…


A friend of mine commented on how funny it was that I missed the sun so much I felt compelled to paint the interior walls to simulate its likeness. I hadn’t thought of it like that, but I can definitely see myself working that energy on an unconscious level… This was a big change for me. Not just because purple is my favorite color (I loved my purple walls), but because I’ve never been particularly crazy about the color yellow. But I keep reading about how yellow is a color that energizes and uplifts, and how from a Feng Shui perspective it is the perfect color for the center of the bagua. I’m willing to give it a try – I need as much help staying motivated as possible.

So far, its been interesting. The color definitely brightens the room. I also find myself dancing around in the living room more now. Is my mood improving? Well, I’m not 100%, but I’m definitely better than I was last week. But most importantly I feel like the energy has shifted. Which is good cause I got alot of stuff I gotta do in the next few months…

I’m also opening the house up to a tenant after four months of living alone. Another major shift. But it’s the responsible thing to do, and I have to start organizing my finances to prepare for this book launch 🙂 So I will continue to recite my new mantra and do what needs to be done. Change is Good… Change is Good…

I took a break from my spring cleaning/painting on Sunday to drive up to Clear Lake to see Big and Rich & Cowboy Troy in concert. Konocti Harbor Resort and Spa is my favorite place to see a concert (besides Vegas), so I was excited to make the journey, even though I had to go by myself and they were forecasting rain for the outdoor concert.

The drive up was gorgeous. Because of all this rain, everything is green, green, everywhere. I’ve always been a fan of the area (Napa/wine country), but it was especially scenic this trip. And coming around the bend and glimpsing the lake for the first time is always a bit breathtaking.

That was the view from just outside my hotel room door.

One thing I learned from this mission is that I no longer enjoy doing things by myself the way I used to. That surprised me – I have always been the Solo Diva… I partly blame it on the fact that I miss my cats pretty bad when I’m away from home. There the kitties go changing my life again, lol. That said, it was an awesome show. It did indeed rain on us, but I was prepared and had my gloves and raingear so I wasn’t uncomfortable at all. It was actually kind of cool to be standing out in the rain with a couple thousand strangers, immersed in a community of die-hard fans. Singing, dancing, and watching the rain pour down, I was reminded of what KC said about the rain as a cleansing/purifying agent. Viewed in that light, I suppose I can see how our nation needs extraordinary amounts of cleansing and purification right now. So when Big and Rich launched into Holy Water, I couldn’t help but remove my hood, turn my face skyward and let the rain pour down on me. Talk about a religious experience.

Then my six foot five Black rappin’ Cowboy took the stage… *Sigh* Why must all the good ones be married??? He Played Chicken with the Train like it was his Last YeeHawwww and even rejoined Big and Rich for the Encore (Rollin’). It was AWESOME — Lake County gave CBT some serious love!!! Long Live Hick Hop, LOL. I just hope next time the boys come a little closer to my city…