People seldom appreciate things fully until after they’ve lost them. This is a theory I’ve proven time and time again in my own life, and this week was no exception. You may have noticed the severe case of sun deprivation I’ve been experiencing. 🙂 I recently read a very interesting article in the Sentinel on Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is actually a legit psychological condition, that I am now convinced I have, lol. It bascially ties lethargy, depression, and weight gain to lack of sunlight. I knew it!!!

We all take things for granted. For some, it’s their significant others. For others, it’s their families or their jobs. While I’ve been guilty of taking all those things for granted at one time or another, today’s epiphany has to do with the sun. El Sol. The light of the world. And not just it’s gift of light, but of warmth, and the ability to stimulate new growth…

You don’t know what you got til its gone. Amen. But along those lines, you also never realize how much you miss something until you lose it, it comes back, reminds you how much you love it, and then leaves again. You follow? lol I did not realize how much I missed the sun until it decided to come out and shine on Thursday… The first sunny day in I don’t know how long… The same could be said about Pono boy and my Godson Ola…

Thankfully this sunny day coincided with a visit from KC and the boys, so I got to spend all afternoon at the park, not wasting a second of the precious sunlight. So good for me on so many levels. But especially because I got some quality time with my Godson, one of the many loves of my life, who is getting so big, so fast. Ola and his big brother Pono are two other sources of light in my world that I had no idea I missed until they came back.

I spent 2 of the first 4 weeks of Ola’s life with him in Maui, and when I had to leave him at the end of those two weeks, that was the first time I ever really felt like my heart was being ripped out. What can I say, I am bonded to this child. But with them living in Maui, I don’t get to see them nearly as often as I would like. As the months pass, it’s easy to forget how much it hurts to be apart, but then seeing him again… It just reminded me of the hole in my heart that exists not having this child by my side, and how much it hurts to have missed some major developmental milestones in his life…

But eventually another storm will blow through, covering the sun, and the boys and KC will board a plane back to Maui. So what to do in the meantime? Cherish every second I have to bask in their light, even moreso knowing it will soon end. And vow, for today anyway, to not take a single second of it for granted…

One of the other things that happens during a Mercury Retrograde is people from the past come back into your life. I got alot of that this Retrograde – from stumbling across ex-boyfriends on myspace (gotta love myspace, lol), to reconnecting with people I haven’t talked to in over a decade. A virtual flood of once-familiar faces, all of a sudden back on the scene, bringing with them memories of times and places almost forgotten. So strange, but at the same time, so comforting. To know that you came from somewhere, and that you touched people along the way. To be reminded that the bond of true friendship is not something that can be broken by distance or time. And to be able to cherish those trips down memory lane because they illustrate so beautifully how far we have all come…

I believe that people come into your life for a reason, to fulfill some kind of joint karmic mission. In most cases, when that mission is accomplished, people fade out, and you gradually lose touch. It happens, life goes on. But when someone passes out of your life, and then comes back — that signifies a cycle, a circle, interlinked paths that will continue to cross at intervals, for moments of clarity, support, and random infusions of love. It is a beautiful thing. I feel so blessed to be linked up with some wonderful and extraordinary individuals. It’s time to make old friends new again 🙂

In other news, I sent off another manuscript to another publisher yesterday. Yay! So that’s two now that are making the rounds. Work on WHEN LOVE ISN’T ENOUGH is temporarily stalled while I paint my dining room, lol, but I should be back in full swing, writing-wise, by next week. Finished my taxes last night, and maximized the heck out of my deductions to score a sweet refund – Yay! And the sun is shining today – Double Yay!!!! Is it finally Spring???

So I’ve been struggling to redecorate my living room for a while now… The process was stalled because I was having a difficult time parting with one of the couches (I tend to get emotionally attached to things). This weekend I finally got rid of the smaller couch, moved the furniture around once again, and have been trying to get used to my “new” space. “Trying” being the operative word.

Feng Shui is very big on the idea eliminating clutter and arranging a room to promote the optimal flow of energy in a space. Under the heading of, I need all the help I can get, I do my best to apply Feng Shui principles to my home. My random remodel is primarily motivated by the quest for good Feng Shui.

I am frequently accused of being rather inflexible, rigid, and stuck in my ways. I’m a Capricorn, and we are somewhat resistant to change. So as an experiment, I’ve been trying to be a little more open-minded when it comes to trying new things and instituting major life changes (hence the whole ‘author’ detour). But as I sit here in my “new” living room, contemplating which shade of yellow I should paint the walls, I can’t help but wish I still had my purple couch. Part of me longs to put everything back the way it was. Which, of course, is not possible. *Sigh*

Maybe, hopefully, I just need a few days to get used to it… I’m still technically in the in-between stages, so perhaps after I pick up a bookcase, some plants, and paint the walls, I’ll feel differently. I think I’ve definitely learned something important about myself though — that it’s not always in my best interests to force change. Some people need change to keep them moving and stimulated. But I also think there are some of us who know what we want, and what we like, and just want to sit still and enjoy it. You know? In any case, I’ll keep you posted and post pictures when it’s all done done.

PS: Daylight Savings Time Sucks.

There was nothing more depressing than flipping on the news last night to watch the weatherman forecast rain for today, rain through the weekend, and rain next week… WTF?!?! Last time I checked, I wasn’t living in the Pacific Northwest – it’s almost freaking April!!! Now I love the rain, normally, in reasonable doses, but I’m pretty much over this extended winter we’ve been having. I’m anxious to feel sunshine on my back, for bike rides along West Cliff, afternoons at the beach writing… To spring forward with all the new plans I’ve been meditating on during my winter hibernation. It is just so hard to motivate to do anything with these clouds hanging over my head… I know I’m not the only one. I would give anything for ten days on the islands right now…

I’m sorry, I know I should have some kind of a point, lol. What can I say, the rain has done a number on my creativity. The dreary setting would probably work great if I was writing mystery/suspense or something super-dramatic, but I’m trying to pen a love story over here. I need picnics on the beach in Carmel, camping in Big Sur, sunsets. Rain is depressing and I don’t want to be depressed!

If anyone wants to help me find a silver lining on these annoying stormclouds, feel free to enlighten me; I obviously passed cranky several hours ago.

Side Proposition: If anyone wants to join me on Sunday, April 9th for a lakeside concert up at Clear Lake, let me know. I have an extra ticket to see Big & Rich and Cowboy Troy (like it’s my Last YeeeHaw ya’ll), and a gorgeous room for us to chill in afterwards. No charge, just keep me company 🙂

Apologies to my loyal readers — I know how cranky you get when I don’t update every day, lol. (xoxo)

Well Mercury is finally out of retrograde… Thank God. Hopefully you will all find the things you lost, stop being misunderstood, receive a reprieve from electronic malfunctions, and life as we know it will return to normal. As soon as we get through this next Eclipse anyways…

Wednesday, March 29th marks a Solar Eclipse in Aries. Once again, I highly recommend reading what Susan Miller has to say about dealing with Eclipses. Fortunately for us, this second Eclipse appears to be a “good” one, so hopefully the storms are truly behind us. Here’s to hoping. But just to be safe, don’t initiate any huge undertakings/actions on Tues/Weds/Thurs of this week.

I always tend to experience a “delayed reaction Mercury Retrograde.” I’ll head into the Retrograde armed with knowledge and flexibility, and cruise for the first half without really feeling it too much. Then, BAM, it hits. I’ve pretty much been laid out the past week, not depressed really, just unable to do anything, except lay around and watch RENT. Seriously, thank God for RENT ya’ll. This weather is not helping. I’m ready for Springtime damnit!!! So I’m actually looking forward to this Solar Eclipse, hoping it ushers in the real start of Spring, and all the opitmism, inspiration, motivation. and drive that Aries is so famous for. Here’s to hoping…

Compulsive RENT viewing has illuminated another theme for me, in addition to those mentioned below. The importance of Artists supporting other Artists…

One of my dear close friends, Hyim, is an extraordinary musician, producer, composer, and all-around wonderful individual. A teacher, activist, and freedom-fighter. Seriously, the world needs more people like Hyim. Anyways, last night Hyim and his band The Fat Foakland Orchestra, came down to Santa Cruz for a gig. Watching them rock my hometown was so much fun–not just because they put on a great show, but because I got to hang with the band and play entourage for a bit… Chillun’ backstage (or more accurately in the room to the left of the stage) where we were able to eat, smoke, drink, and be merry before, during, and after the show. I felt so “cool,” lol. Not to mention, Pablo, Mark, Ajai and Derek are the sweetest group of guys. They made me feel very welcome.

They finally took the stage after many rounds of puff, puff, pass the spiced rum. I went out front to grab a seat, and was treated to a wonderful show. And a flashback. At Hyim’s first CD release party in 2003, I fell all in lust with his (now former) bass player. Said bass player eventually went on to become one of my more significant others. Back then, I used to go to all the gigs, enjoying all the perks afforded to the bass player’s girlfriend. For a myriad of reasons, I had to block out most of my memories of that time, but last night sure did remind me how much fun it was dating a musician.

I love musicians – they are their own special breed and sexy as hell. Passion flows through their veins, the beat is their pulse. But really, what is it about rock stars that makes grown women swoon? You can pass a guy on the street and think, eh, he’s alright, and then 30 minutes later see him up on stage with a guitar in his hand and all of a sudden you’re falling in love, lol. I mean, look at Steven Tyler of Aerosmith or Mick Jagger. What is it about them that makes them sex symbols? Would people think they were so hot if they sold used cars? Doubtful.

I could even say the same about Tim. Don’t get me wrong, I Love Tim McGraw. But let’s be honest here, in ‘real life,’ Tim is an ordinary-looking man with a receding hairline. Not ugly, but certainly not Brad Pitt. But you know what, the second he takes the stage, I go weak in the knees. Scream my ass off like a teenager at a Backstreet Boys concert. I am a grown-ass woman, typically reserved and controlled in my everyday life, but for some reason Tim places me on the edge of hysteria when he’s on-stage. I can’t explain it, but that euphoric Tim high, without fail, is what keeps me coming back for more. And more. And more.

Whoa, tangent. Hmmm, I think my point was, while trying my hardest not to fall in love with Hyim’s bass player and percussionist, lol, I was treated to an awesome evening of soul-stirring music, good company, and fulfillment of the fantasy every good groupie girl has — getting in with the band, and breaking bread with her heroes on the other side of the velvet rope. Good times, good times. I really need to get out more often…

Yes, I’m fessing up — until last night, I hadn’t written in a week. Some of you may have figured this out, seeing as how I had time to watch RENT not once, not twice, but four times in the past four days. Seriously, when do I have that kind of time on my hands? But my obsession with this fabulous musical has indeed served me. It inspired me so much that I actually pulled out my papers and started writing again.

The setting of RENT and the relationships between the characters are very similar to my novel. Stories of friendship and love. Strong, passionate characters. I was most struck by the emotionally evocative quality of the play. How it was able to make me feel things, bring tears to my eyes, and fall in love, quite totally, with every single character. These are the hallmarks of excellent writing, and it has given me yet another example of greatness to asprire to.

So I started writing again and got flashes for three new scenes. Wrote a couple pages during the American Idol, so now I’m back in the saddle again. Thank God – I’ve got unrealistic deadlines to meet…

“525,600 minutes
How do you measure a year in a life?

How about love?”

Wow. I knew when I found myself replaying the opening scene of the movie over and over again that I was going to love this flick. Wow. Love is an understatement. This movie has easily coasted into my top 5 all-time favorite films, the kind of movie I could watch every day. That was the most satisfying two hours I’ve had in a while.

I’ve always had a love for musical theatre. I was exposed to it very early on when my 3rd grade teacher Ms. Vidulich scored our class front row seats to a showing of CATS. In the 8th grade I saw Starlight Express in London (a musical performed entirely on roller skates, amazing). Cried my eyes out during Les Miserables when I was fifteen, awed by The Phantom of the Opera a year later. San Mateo High also had a large performing arts department, and we were treated to several high-quality productions every year. SMHS’s Cabaret is one of the best renditions I’ve seen. I am a sucker for a great musical. And the Broadway version of Into the Woods (with Bernadette Peters as the witch) is the funniest play Ever.

My love of musical theatre influences my taste in movies as well. Also ranking high on my list are Grease AND Grease 2. A Chorus Line. Evita. And one of my favorite 80’s movies is Sing, a movie about a high school musical.

But back to RENT. A touching musical about love, friendship, following your dreams, standing up for what you believe in, and fighting against the Man, all while dealing with the very real-life problems of poverty, drug addiction and AIDS. It resonated very strongly with me, not just because it centered around the starving artist community, lol, but because I can identify with coming to that stage in life where your friends become your primary family… And how those bonds built in the trenches, and those people you leaned on while you were figuring it all out, hold pieces of your soul forever…

“I trust my soul…”

The cast had the most amazing chemistry – it was no surprise when I found out that all but two were from the original Broadway cast. It showed. I fell in love with all of them. Tango Maureen was hilarious. I did not think I could love Jesse L. Martin more than I did when he was on Ally McBeal but I do. And Rosario Dawson is the hottest stripper I’ve ever seen. Me-ow. La Vie Boheme!!!

“Hey Artist, you got a dollar? Didn’t think so.”

Then today, I watched the deleted scenes and found the Alternate Ending. Oh my God did the Directors mess up. I watched the Alternate Ending over a dozen times and cried every time. I do not agree with their explanation for changing it – they should have left it alone. Click here to watch the alternate ending on youtube.com.

I die, without you… I die, without you…”

This movie did something to me I could not have anticipated… It actually moved me. Touched my soul. I can’t guarantee it will have the same effect on others, but I definitely recommend checking out this movie if you can appreciate a good song and a good story…

There’s Only Now
There’s Only Here
Give In To Love
Or Live In Fear
No Other Path
No Other Way
No Day But Today

I frequently joke that I’m a terrible excuse for a Black person, lol. Truth be told, I’m a pretty terrible excuse for an Asian person as well. I suppose that’s a biproduct of being biracial — you can never fully immerse yourself in any one culture. Lucky for me, my good friend John seems to have made it his personal mission to bring out the Asian in me…

Though he’s not Asian himself (he’s actually Black and White), he sure does know how to cook a lot of Asian food. His stepdad is Filipino and Native American (how’s that for a sweet mix) and John picked up a thing or two growing up with David around. And now he’s passing on his knowledge to me.

Being one of those non-domestic breeds of women, I’ve never been much of a cook. And until I met John, I couldn’t cook a Filipino dish to save my life. Then he taught me how to make Adobo. I’m not going to lie, being able to make Adobo makes me feel like a bonafide Filipina. It’s not Papa’s (which I’m convinced is inimitable), but it’s pretty damn good if I do say so myself.

Last week John came over with the mission to teach me how to make yet another Asian delicacy — gyozas. Gyozas are the Japanese version of potstickers or wontons. And they are freakin’ delicious.

So impressed was I by the feast we whipped up last week, I decided to try and make it myself tonight, to see if what he taught me stuck. Cranked up my new Marc Broussard CD (which I Love!!!), and set to work on food preparation. I started by preparing the filling — a mix of ground beef with garlic, green onions, carrots and cabbage diced as fine as I could manage. I made a pot of brown rice using the rice cooker John was kind enough to give to me. Terrible Asian that I am, I didn’t own one before. Then I roll the beef mixture into the little wrapper thingys to make to wontons – an incredibly time-consuming process. All of a sudden I’m remembering why I don’t cook very often. Once the wontons are rolled, there are several ways to cook them. You can steam them or fry them. I like it both ways, so that’s how I prepared them. Looks good, don’t it? I can assure you, it tasted damn good as well.

So John, on behalf of my future husband and children, thank you for helping me get in touch with my Filipina roots by adding yet another recipe to my limited culinary repertoire… Actually, now that I think about it, weren’t you also the one who taught me how to cook black-eyed peas, cornbread, and collard greens for New Years??? Thanks for keepin’ it balanced buddy 🙂

Alright, so I’ve been getting complaints from my regular readers that I don’t post frequently enough, lol, so I’m going to try to find a better balance 🙂 Here’s something I came across that I thought was cute. I’ve bolded the items that apply to me, to see how grown up I really am 😉

25 Signs You’ve Grown Up…

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them. LOL!
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. (Well, if that’s all that’s available…)
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. (Granted, this only became true in the past year 😉
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator. (I was just telling Meg that grocery store music is the BOMB!)
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up.” (Sad but true…)
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. (I manage to get more than 14 though, lol)
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.” (They don’t???)
10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo. (SO me.)
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. (though my mom has been traumatizing us with Sex Jokes since we were pre-teens, lol)
12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog/cat Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. (Sleeping anywhere but a bed makes my back hurt!)
16. You take naps. (Never been much of a napper)
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.” (Dude, the top of the line wine Carlo Rossi will NEVER go out of style!!!)
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. (I’m working on it…)
22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. (LOLOLOLOLOL)
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh S*$# what the hell happened?”

Bonus:
26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old butt. Then you forward it to a bunch of old pals & friends ’cause you know they’ll enjoy it & do the same.

Haha, so maybe I’m not TOTALLY Grown up yet… And while I miss the simpler days of childhood….

I’m loving my adulthood!!!

🙂