Nothing terribly deep today… I’ve been fighting off a cold all week, and everyone knows how difficult it is to be positive and productive when you’re not feeling well. I’m an EmergenC junkie, so I tend to keep my immune system boosted and don’t get sick very often, thankfully. But the bug got me this time. 🙁 I suppose that’s what I get for drinking too much at bars and kissing strangers, lol.

I’m trying to push through with the editing despite my sore throat and fatigue. I guess I’ll miss my manuscript submission deadline once again, but you know what, I’m not beating myself up about it. That’s the cool thing about self-imposed deadlines–there aren’t really any tangible consequences. I’m not gonna fail a class or get fired or anything, so the stress and anxiety is absent (thank god). I just push it back a little and push on.

Not to say that deadlines are totally useless and arbitrary. I do believe in the importance of setting goals and deadlines for yourself. When you set a deadline, you’re making a commitment to your goal. It gives you something to work towards, structure. We all need a little structure in our lives, even us creative folk who are inherently resistant to such things 🙂 I was talking to a friend yesterday, who’s trying to submit a grant application, due this Friday. We were lamenting about how difficult it is to get motivated, how easy it is to put things off until tomorrow. Anyways, even though the grant isn’t due until Friday, I encouraged her to set a goal to finish it by Thursday. I reasoned that “even if you don’t finish on Thursday, I bet you’ll be further along come Thursday morning than you would have been if you hadn’t set that goal.” And it’s true. Goals give us something to focus on, and you can’t produce or create anything of value without a certain degree of focus…

What are your goals for the year? Month? Personal, professional or otherwise? Just for fun, why don’t you write a few of them down and tape them to the mirror in your bathroom , or tack them up on a wall. Just the sheer act of writing it out will bring you one step closer to achieving it, and we all gotta start somewhere, right?

Hey FAB – I’ll even give you a head start, lol. Goal for Faby: Find a Business School in the Bay Area and APPLY 😉

Alright, tis all for now. It’s almost time for me to get LOST 🙂

Well, I had a productive weekend regarding the book. Did a lot of thinking about the book dilemma and talking about the book dilemma and what do you know – I actually know what I want to do now. Sweet.

I’ve decided that I’m definitely going to self-publish my first book. After doing a little research and talking to Edwardo, I know this path is more suited to my personality. I am a bit of a control-freak, and was planning on doing a lot of the marketing/promotional work myself anyway, so it doesn’t make sense for me to sign over creative control and a large percentage of the profits at this stage. I want to shape my career, and I’m starting to see that the fastest path to the top does not necessarily need to be linear.

However, I do acknowledge that I’ve already invested a lot of time and energy into fishing for a book deal, and I don’t want to just abandon that, so I have devised Plan C, lol. It goes a little something like this 🙂 The queries I have out for SOUL MATES, I’m going to leave alone, and still try to publish through the traditional route. But SOUL MATES is the second book in the series. So now the mission is to try and write WHEN LOVE ISN’T ENOUGH, the first book, in the next four months, with the intention of self-publishing this year, probably in November, with advance copies printed in July, just in time for my cross-country road trip. That way, I can get a book in print soon, which is important to me, while still trying to catch the attention of a big fish publisher. Whew, what a task I have ahead of me! 🙂 But I know I’ve charted the right course – it’s all about Balance…

I’m excited to get back to working on WHEN LOVE. I have 8 chapters done already, and can devote my full attention to it as soon as I finish this last edit of SOUL MATES, which by the way, is going well. I’m a third of the way through, and confident I can finish this week, as planned.

Here’s to having a Dream… Hope you’re resting in Peace Dr. King…

Well I made it LA safely… And am having a freakin’ blast. Last night we went to this country club called Montana’s… Now I’m not talking country club as in lifestyles of the rich and famous, but country club as in wranglers, stetsons and COWBOYS Baby!!! And we partied like it was our last Yee Haw, lol.

Yeah, for those of you that don’t know, I love country music. One of the Many things about me that folks find a tad different, lol. It makes total sense to me though. As a writer, I’m all about lyrics and words, and country songs are all about telling a story. It is a genre that reveres simplicity (one of the things I hate about contemporary hip hop is the focus on materialism, misogyny, and recently the glorification of cheating. At least when they cheat in a country song, they feel bad about it). As Trace Adkins sings, they’re songs about lovin’ and livin’ and good-hearted women and family and God… I listen to other music, but like I was telling the boys last night, country has my heart. So our trip out to Montana’s was a real treat for me.

First off, it was so awesome to be with a group of ladies who love country music as much as I do, and don’t just “tolerate” it. The atmosphere was great, the music was great, and watching the folks out on the dance floor just rounded out the night. Guys who can two-step and line-dance are so freaking hot I cannot even handle it (even when they’re chicks, right Fab? LOL). All I gotta say is, I want one. Badly. I think I would even consider breaking my no white-boy rule for a two-steppin’ cowboy…

So a new resolution for 2006 – learn to line dance. Then, start frequenting country bars, lol. And rope me a Cowboy 😉 It is going DOWN when I roll through Texas this summer…

Exciting weekend ahead… Not only do I get to go down and celebrate my birthday all over again with my SoCal friends, but I’ve also got a little business meeting lined up 🙂 I’m gonna hook up with Authorpreneur Edwardo Jackson for a power lunch to talk business. Edwardo is my first official author friend 🙂 It is so cool to have author friends, lol. He, er, got my attention at an online conference a few months ago (lol), and we’ve struck up a pretty good friendship over the past few months. We joke that we’re writing soulmates, cause we write in a similar tone and style… Fellow genre-straddlers… Both charmingly long-winded. I’m excited to finally meet him.

Edwardo has been kind enough to let me pick his brain about my present career dilemma. Namely, to self-publish or not. I’m torn right down the middle on this one, the pros and cons of each side pretty even. I’m interested in Edwardo’s thoughts because he’s had experience with all sides of publishing. He self-published his first novel, EVER AFTER, and then was picked up by Random House, where they re-released EVER AFTER and published the sequel, NEVER HAFTA. Now Edwardo has started his own publishing company, JCM Books, from which his 3rd book in the series, I DO?, is forthcoming in February 2006. Hence the “authorpreneur” bit. Needless to say, there is a lot I can learn from this man. I am grateful for his time and counsel.

So I hit the road in the morning. I’m looking forward to the trip – it’s been a few months since I travelled, and I get to see FABY, which always brightens my day 🙂 Four-day weekends Rule!

Okay, so the manuscript probably won’t go out this week, lol. I’m making good progress on the latest revision, but I’m not trying to rush when something is this important. So I’ve released myself from the Thursday deadline, but if I continue on pace, I should be ready to ship by next Wednesday. One more week. (Meg, please hold me to that.)

Anyone who’s ever edited a manuscript can attest that it’s a time-consuming process. I know every time I read through a draft, I’m editing for different things. Sometimes its a content-edit, where I’m reading for flow and plot consistency. Sometimes it’s a copy-edit, where I’m strictly looking for grammatical errors. This time, I’m just reading it as a reader – trying to look at it with fresh eyes and experience the story as a whole on an emotional level. I’m pleased to discover that the copy is pretty clean – the red marks are scant this time around, and there isn’t much in the terms of revision. That in itself is satisfying. But there is always room for improvement, and I will not rest until I’ve produced the best piece of work I’m capable of producing.

So I will push on, with trusty red pen in hand. Get ‘Er Done!

Heads Up: LOST comes back from hiatus tonight AND we finally get Eko’s backstory – Woot Woot! Needless to say, I don’t think I’ll be doing much editing this evening, lol. (Yes, I’m one of those people…)

So I was cruising around myspace one day and found the link to the coolest site. It’s basically a one-stop location for a variety of news articles of interest to People of Color. I’m not big on the news myself, as I find the mainstream news media to be hopelessly biased and/or disturbingly sensationalist, so it was great to find this site, which sorts the days headlines into categories that I actually find useful.

www.crayonpeople.com

Their mission statement states:
“We created Crayon People to act as a place for People of Color to get easy access to news ranging from political articles to current pop culture.”

Sounds good to me. Free your mind and the rest will follow…

Okay, now I’m really back to work. In honor of my birthday last week, I not only took several days off, but gave myself permission to be totally lazy and irresponsible for the duration of my extended birthday weekend. It was lovely. I didn’t think about stuff I needed to do at the office, I didn’t think about the manuscript, I just laid around, without guilt. Moved real slow. But it is a new week now, and there is much to do, so I must dive back in.

Breaking into this business is a lot like fishing. You bait the hook, and cast it out into the sea, hoping someone will find the bait tasty and bite. For an unagented author such as myself, the bait comes in the form of a query letter, synopsis, and first three chapters of my manuscript. Then you sit back and wait, usually 2-3 months, for a publisher to bite. If they’re interested, they will request to see your full manuscript, and assuming they like what they see, they will offer you a book deal. It sounds simple enough, but like fishing, there is a lot of sitting around while you’re waiting for those fish to bite.

I’m proud to report that shortly before New Years, I got my first nibble 🙂 One of the publishers I submitted to has requested my manuscript, so once I ship this thing off, I will have entered the next phase of this lengthy process. But it seems now the hold-up is on my end. It’s tough being a perfectionist. This thing has been read and revised more times than I can count, yet I still feel like I need to read it through *one more time* before I ship it. But my goal is to have the manuscript revised and in the mail by Thursday. Is that a realistic goal? We shall see 🙂

Hey ya’ll,
Nothing terribly deep today, just a birthday recap for those who are curious… I had a great 30th birthday… The phone literally rang off the hook with loved ones sending their love. I got to hear the voices of some folks I have missed dearly (Corey, Heff, Big Chris, Jonny Blash – xoxoxo – u made my day!). Lots of emails and other on-line celebrating. Not one, but TWO flower deliveries (thanks Meg and Mom!!!!) A wonderful picnic down on West Cliff with Sponge-E, enjoying the sunshine and picture perfect 71 degree(!) weather. An hour soaking my body in a tub at the spa. A little shopping to pick up some thangs for the Birthday woman 🙂 A lovely drive up Highway One in the afternoon where I got to view the most KILLER sunset. Drinks and dinner at the Cheesecake Factory in SF. And rounding out the night snuggled up with the man I love… A great day, a great night. You know, it’s days like this, major life milestones and such, when you really get an idea of how much you are loved. It feels good to be loved. As Brooks and Dunn would say – “That’s What It’s All About…”

Thank you to everyone who thought of me and reached out to send me love on my most special of days. I have the best group of friends and fambamily in the world!!!

Today marks the start of my 30th year. A lot of people approach their 30th birthdays with a lot of stress and anxiety, but I’m surprisingly fine with it. Excited even. Cause to be honest, I’m not sad to see my twenties go. I won’t miss being broke. I won’t miss the bad relationships. I won’t miss the uncertainty about my future and my self. The bad decisions. Don’t get me wrong, every experience I had taught me a valuable lesson, and for that I am grateful. But I’m ready to move on to the place where I’m not stumbling so much, and enjoying the life that I’ve built. And building the life that I want.

30 is just a number, but I do believe the soul-searching that goes on between the ages of 28-31, which in astrological circles is associated with the Saturn Return (more on this another time), is unlike the introspection we engage in at other times in our lives. If our twenties are supposed to be about “finding ourselves”, then by our thirties we should be found and pursuing whatever it is we’ve decided we want to do with the rest of our lives. Or something. I don’t really buy into the linear societal prescription of “get married, settle down, buy a house, have kids” as the magic formula for happiness. It works for some people, but its not for everyone. I mean, I want those things, but LATER, lol. I still have so much more to do, see and experience that requires a freedom and mobility that I wouldn’t have if I had a child. But that is another blog 🙂 This blog is about embracing my next thirty years, and marveling at how far I’ve come. I am convinced my best years are ahead of me, and cannot wait to see what waits for me in 2006 and beyond. So as my man Tim would sing…

I think I’ll take a moment, to celebrate my age
The ending of an era, and the turning of a page
Now it’s time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years

My next thirty years will be the best years of my life
Raise a little family and hang out with my wife (or life partner 🙂
Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear
Make up for lost time here
In my next thirty years…

~Tim McGraw, “My Next Thirty Years”, A Place in the Sun
(Get used to it, I am likely to be quoting many a country tune, lol)

So today was my first day back at work in almost two weeks… Transitions are rough, lol. Actually, it wasn’t so bad. My energy has been up and it’s technically only a 2-day work week (taking thursday and friday off to spend in the Bay for various birthday celebrations… but that’s Thursdays topic). Anyhoo, being back to work after such a long stretch away has got me meditating about my evolving relationship with my job. Coming into 2005, what had previously been ambivalence about work morphed into a growing sense of dissatisfaction. After all, it’s been five years in this position and I’ve pretty much done all I can do here. I need a challenge to maintain my interest, and with the mastery of my duties, boredom has set in.

I really shouldn’t be complaining. As far as jobs go, I know I got one of the good ones… They actually pay me to boss people around. Can you believe that? As a Cap, I couldn’t be more tailored for management, and my office runs like a well-oiled machine. But being capable and well-respected just isn’t enough anymore.

Most of us spend more than half of our waking hours working for other people. For the most part, we have no choice about this, it’s a byproduct of Capitalism. But there has to be a way to contribute and make a living that doesn’t require spending half your life doing something that doesn’t replenish you emotionally or spiritually. Perhaps that’s not important to everyone, but it is definitely important to me.

This is where the catalyst for the big change kicked in. Plan A didn’t work out. Plan B is slowly sucking the life out of me. There has to be another option, another path. So I asked myself… what do I love to do and what am I good at??? What’s my “thing”??? And once I asked the question, I found the answer came surprisingly easy – it’s always been writing. Since I started my very first journal in the 7th grade… Since I started my “autobiography” LOL in the 10th grade… The poems, the songs, and now finally my book… and blog 🙂 Writing comes as naturally to me as breathing, why can’t I write for a living?

So I shifted. I stepped onto another path leading into uncharted territory. The feeling that consumes me now is so far from boredom and ambivalence. It’s that perfect mixture of scary and exciting that adrenaline junkies crave, that tempts people to surrender all to fall in love. When you know you are being moved by something greater than yourself, the whole quality of your life changes. I spend hours upon hours writing and editing, but you know what – I don’t think of it as “work”. I choose to spend the time, labor in love, and at the end of the day, whether I’m published or not, successful or not, I go to bed each night satisfied. It’s a beautiful thing ya’ll, to do what you love. I highly recommend it.

PS: Happy Birthday Dad! 🙂